Predicting Standings Before It Was Cool

So Emily and I got a little bored waiting for free agency to start and we came up with a super-cool novel idea to predict the NHL standings for next year, for no reason other than pure fun. Obviously it's to be taken with a grain of salt since it's based on a few important assumptions:

1. There will be hockey next season
2. Conference alignment, playoff eligibility, etc. stays the same (ceteris paribus)
3. Suter goes to Detroit
4. Parise stays with NJ
5. Bobby Ryan doesn't stay with Anaheim (though we don't know where he'll go yet)
6. The hockey gods hate Toronto
7. There will be hockey next season

And here they are, with a brief explanation wherever applicable

Eastern Conference

1. x-Boston Bruins (see #6 -- Rask is good)
2. x-Pittsburgh Penguins
3. x-Washington Capitals (because Florida last year was a fluke)
4. Philadelphia Flyers
5. New Jersey Devils (see #4)
6. New York Rangers
7. Buffalo Sabres
8. Carolina Hurricanes (I love you Staal)
9. Florida Panthers
10. Toronto Maple Leafs (see #6)
11. Tampa Bay Lightning
12. Montreal Canadiens (lol)
13. Ottawa Senalosers
14. Winnipeg Jets (more lol)
15. New York Islanders (lol)

Western Conference 

1. x-Detroit Red Wings (see #3)
2. x-Los Angeles Kings
3. x-Vancouver Canucks (with or without Luongo)
4. Chicago Blackhawks
5. Phoenix Coyotes
6. San Jose Sharks
7. Nashville Predators (see #3)
8. Colorado Avalanche (Landeskog/Stastny/Duchene)
9. Calgary Flames (cause lol)
10. St. Louis Blues (we're just not believers)
11. Anaheim Ducks (see #5)
12. Dallas Stars
13. Minnesota Wild (we don't really pay attention to them but we think they suck)
14. Edmonton Oilers (cause who else will pick 1st overall)
15. Columbus Blue Jackets