Thursday, April 26, 2012

We were bitter

In honour of the recent Luongo-to-Toronto rumours we thought we'd dig up a letter we wrote for him (never sent) just before game 7 of the SCF last year. These opinions are a year old and still kind of valid, except for  OMG THE LEAFS MIGHT GET COMPETENT GOALTENDING. Plus anyone who wants to leave Vancouver for Toronto is okay in our books (although probably not the smartest). So without further ado, here's the letter: 

Disclaimer: The veiws on Roberto Luongo that were expressed in this post do not extend to those who cheer for him on Nucks Misconduct
Dear Roberto, 
Hello. We hate you. As a matter of fact, we've nicknamed you the Evil Overlord. Go to MSN and type in (6). That's your face. The reason you played so bad in Boston is because we jinxed you. Sorry about that. Not. Thank goodness we had competent D in front of you at the Olympics, otherwise we would've lost the gold because of you. What was with that goal with 20 seconds left? Are you TRYING to kill us? We are proud Canadians and we're cheering for the Bruins because we hate you and your whole team. And just so you know, it's not even like we like the Bruins. We just hate you. 
You know why? Because your fans are just like you. Obnoxious, entitled, spoiled little brats. You're all whiny babies. And divers. Sure, you have some talent on your team, but how can we respect that when you're flopping on the ice like a fish every other minute? In short, you guys are stupid and we hope you get traded to Ottawa. OTTAWA. WHERE GOALIES GO TO DIE. I mean, do you really want to live in the same city as Harper? Didn't think so. 
All our hate,
Shelly and Emily
PS. if you want to sue us, we're underage so it'll be off our records in a year. So HA. 
So uh, we take that back Lu. You don't have to go to Ottawa, you should come here! I mean, goalies die here too, but at least our city is cooler. Lu! Lu? Come back! Luuuuuuuuuuuuuu!


Russel said...

I hope he comes. I think his rep is way lower than it should be, and to be honest he is an above average goaltender. I'd love him here.

Anonymous said...

extremely funny. thankyou.