Saturday, January 21, 2012

The GS All Star Mock Draft 2012

With the NHL's All-Star game around the corner and the experts weighing in on who would go where and which unlucky millionaire would end up with the coveted Phil Kessel Honda, Emily and I decided to make our own mock draft. Here it is, unedited for your viewing pleasure:
(FWIW: we didn't talk about who we were going to pick last beforehand)

Shelly -- in blue
Emily -- in red




1) PHIL THE THRILL KESSEL LOSER LOSER LOSER

A) THEY CALL ME GENO, THEY CALL ME RUSSKI, THEY CALL ME MALKIN, THEY CALL ME M-V-PCAUSE THATS MY NAME THAT IS MY NAME THAT IS MY NAME THAT IS MY NAME

2) CAPTAIN SERIOUS JONATHAN TOEWS AWWW

B) CAPTAIN CAVEMAN DION ROCK SMASHME DION. ME.

3) LUP DE LUP WHAT-EVER

C) IGGY *SCORE*SIDNEY CROSBY THE GOLDEN GOAL

4) PAVEL DATSYUK I HAVE NO NICKNAME FORHIM UH DATS BUT IT'S PRETTY LAME

D) LOGAN COUTURE CAUSE HE TWEETED ME THAT ONE TIMEAND I ASKED  HIM OUT

5) STAMMER MARKHAM REPRESENT EWWWWW

E) TAVARES BECAUSE HE'S SECRETLY A LEAF

6) SHEA WEBER FEAR THE BEARD NOOO I WAS GONNA TAKE HIMsame mind

F) KING HANK BECAUSE HE'S BEAUTIFUL AND PERFECT AND PLAYS GUITARso tumblr 

7) TIM THOMAS CHEESEBURGERS I JUST REALISED ONE OF US HAS TO TAKE PRICE EWWWWWWWWWWWWALFIE SPEZZA KARLSSON AND MICHAKEL ARE EVEN WORSE OVIE /pulls out phone

G) I GUESS COREY PERRY IS KINDA GOOD (I ALMOST TYPED PRETTY INSTEAD OF PERRY)

8) CLAUDE GIROUX no nickname here either GIR-EWWWWW

H) RYAN SUTER CAUSE HE'S THE ONLY OTHER D-MAN I LIKE

9) BRIAN CAMPBELL CAUSE HE'S A REDHEAD

I) PATRICK KANE CAUSE HE'S NOT AS JERKY AS I THOUGHT HE WAS AND YOU LOVE HIM SO THIS IS IN RETALIATION OF YOU TAKING PHIL AND WEBER CAUSE I WANTED PHIL AND WEBER. SO HA.BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YOU BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 

10) MARIAN HOSSA CAUSE <3 HAWKS HE'S A TRAITOR, AND *ONE TEAM*

J) BRIAN ELLIOTT BECAUSE LOL OTTAWAhehehehehehehe

11) JONATHAN QUICK BECAUSE I'M RUNNING OUT OF GUYS I LIKE

K) KEITH YANDLE BECAUSE ME TOO

12) MARIAN GABORIK BECAUSE I MIGHT AS WELL HAVE BOTH MARIANS

L) JAMIE BENN BECAUSE WHY NOT

13) DAN GIRARDI BECAUSE I NEED MORE DEFENSEMEN

M) HEY EMILY THERE'S TWO GOALIES LEFT AND I'M GOING TO PICK JIMMY HOWARDTHAT'S OK I SECRELY LIKE PRICE :O...... I DISOWN YOU

14) WELL NOW THAT THAT'S OUT CAREY PRICE I KILLED MY LOVE FOR HIM WHEN HE SIGNED WITH THE HABS, I'M DISAPPOINTED IN YOU (I ALSO CAN'T TYPE)

N) MIKKO KOIVU CAUSE.. I DON'T REALLY HATE HIM

15) DENNIS WIDEMAN CAUSE I HATE ALL THE OTHER ONES LEFT EW CRAPS

O) I GUESS POMMINVILLE BUT I'LL BENCH HIM FOR HALF THE GAME CAUSE HE ALWAYS SCORES AGAINST THE LEAFS

16) DANIEL SEDIN I GUESS :( -_____-

P) TIMONEN I GUESS :(

17) HENRIK SEDIN CAUSE THE *BROTHERS ON DIFFERENT TEAMS* NARRATIVE WAS ANNOYING LAST YEAR BUT THEN THEY'RE GOING TO BE GOOD CAUSE THEIR ROBOTIC TWIN POWERS WILL ACTIVATE

Q) CHARA BECAUSE I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT HIM PINK BUNNY

18) DUSTIN BYFUGLIEN CAUSE EW KARLSSON AND EW EDLERI'M GONNA GET ONE FO THEM THOUGH EW SO AM I 

R) EDLER -__- I THINK I HATE HIM LESS THAN KARLSSON

19) JASON SPEZZA CAUSE PHANEUF'S ON THE OTHER TEAM SO HE CAN SMASH HIM *NERDY LAUGH*

S) MILAN MICHALEK BECAUSE HE'S ZYBNEK'S BROTHER SO HE CAN'T BE THAT BAD

20) MAN THIS IS GETTING HARD YEAH :(SEGUIN CAUSE PHIL CAN SHOW HIM HOW IT's DONE

T) YO DANIEL ALFREDSSON C'MON UP EVEN THOUGH I'LL BENCH YOU 

21) WELL WASHINGTON ISN'T A HOCKEY TOWN <3 SO I'LL TAKE ERIK KARLSSON

PULLS OUT PHONE
TAKES PICTURES
PUTS PICTURES ON TWITTER
LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY

U) PHILIP
TAKE OUT YOUR BLACKBERRY
THERE IS A SAD MAN SITTING ALL ALONE
I THINK HE'S POSING FOR A PICTURE

HEY OVI
COME SEE YOUR NEW HONDA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

YO DUTHIE
THIS GUY NEEDS AN INTERVIEW
ASK HIM HOW IT FEELS

MAYBE HE CAN RAP ABOUT HIS FEELS

C'MON UP OVIE AND TAKE THE KEYS TO YOUR BRAND NEW CAR
I GUESS I HAVE TO PICK YOU
HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE THE LAST PERSON PICKED 
IT'S LIKE GYM CLASS

HEY OVI REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE GOOD HAHAHAHA
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL


*ROOKIES*

1) CODY HODGSON UNIONVILLE HS I KNEW ITREPRESENT

A) GAH I DON'T KNOW WHICH ONE TO PICK BAH RYAN NUGENT HOPKINSHE'S LIKE 99 IN A WAY HE RARELY MAKES A MISTAKE HE'S ON THE RIGHT TRACK BABY OH THE NUGE CAN PLAY

2) DON'T TAKE WHO I WANNA TAKE YOU KNOWGABRIEL LANDESKOG WHO I WANNA TAKE I HATE YOU YOU TOOK MY KITCHENER RANGER :(

B) I DON'T REALLY CARE ABOUT THE OTHER ROOKIESME NEITHER THIS IS LAME UH I GUESS RYAN JOHANSEN CAUSE HE'S GOOD

3)can we jus stop rookies now I don't care about the rest of them haha ok
THE REST OF YOU CAN GO HOME NOW OK BYE

9 comments:

Russel said...

I thought only artsy kids went to Unionville HS :P

In response to Ovi getting picked last: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

I hope Kessel took tons of pictures. And that Ovechkin's car has tons of defects and just sucks in general :D

Russel said...

Whoa what the hell happened to my comment o.O

gingersnowflake said...

MUSIC FTW

gingersnowflake said...

I dunno, blogger's being really weird

gingersnowflake said...

I FIXED IT I'M AWESOME YOU'RE WELCOME

- Shelly

Anonymous said...

My eyes!

McCutchenistheTruth said...

Shelly. I just wanted to let you know that Emily told me she would prefer to see the Blue Jays win the World Series than the Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup.

gingersnowflake said...

@Cutch
Emily is a loser.

McCutchenistheTruth said...

Hahahah!