Saturday, December 10, 2011

Welcome to the New NHL: Part 4

Another s/t to Will for helping us. Even though he types like a turtle.


After much hoopla, the NHL announced that it will be re-aligning the league's thirty teams into four conferences. Instead of the current two-conferences/katrillion-divisions structure, each conference will consist of seven or eight teams. They haven't been named yet, so we're just going to call them 1, 2, 3, and 4. We're really creative. We've seen the firstsecond, and third conferences, now let's look at the teams in the fourth conference, shall we?

Teams: Carolina Hurricanes, New Jersey Devils, New York Islanders, New York Rangers, Philadelphia Flyers, Pittsburgh Penguins, Washington Capitals

Carolina: Jeff Skinner will never be able to score any more goals, as he will be constantly skating back and forth in front of the team bench wondering who the F Tim Brent is. 


New Jersey: Goalie Martin Brodeur will finally get to play against goalies of his calibre, like Rick DiPietro and Brian Boucher. 


New York (Islanders): LOL ISLES SUCK AND WILL CONTINUE TO SUCK. Poor Tavares. 


New York (Rangers): Marian Gaborik is no longer the second-most highly skilled but frustrating Russian winger in the division. In fact, he's not even third.


Philadelphia: Things get awkward when fans call Claude Giroux the next Crosby, minutes after chanting "Crosby sucks!"


Pittsburgh: Half their team is injured, yet they will still find a way to beat you through the power of Brooks Orpik's stare. 


Washington: Speaking of Brooks, how many brooks would a Brooks Laich like if a Brooks Laich could like brooks?
Also, OOOOOVEEEEECHKIIIIIIIN SUUUUUUCKS.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVECHKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS.
THAT IS MY FAVOURITE PART OF THE POST
BECAUSE YOU KNOW, HE DOES!


1 comment:

Will said...

That Laich line is like, my greatest creation. I think I might actually put it in my SBN sig.