Saturday, October 15, 2011

Our Thoughts on the NHL

There are 30 teams in the NHL, and sometimes it can get hard to figure out which ones to like and which fans to burn at the stake. We've compiled a list of the teams to inform you of our opinion (since I'm sure you were wondering):

Anaheim Ducks- They get bonus points for being Burkie's old team, and also giving us Giggy and Beauch. Also for taking Toskalol away from us and ending our misery. Future Leafs Bobby Ryan and Ryan Getzlaf can be pretty hilarious as well:

Boston Bruins- Love/hate relationship. On one hand, they gave us Phil freaking Kessel, and on the other they gave us Andrew freaking Raycroft. They did beat the Nucks though, so they get a pass for this season. Also Bergeron and Marchand are awesome. We've heard something about some first round draft picks, but we just ignore that.

Buffalo Sabres- meh. They're divisional rivals, but otherwise meh. Ryan Miller is annoying but Derek Roy is pretty cool.

Calgary Flames- LOL. Iggy deserves better. Thanks for Dion and Aulie by the way. Oh, and Dougie.

Carolina Hurricanes- unlike Calgary, they seem to have taken the cool ex-Leafs (except Paul Maurice). Hard not to root for a team with Staal (even though Emily doesn't like him), Kabby, Brent, and this man:

Chicago Blackhawks- Jonathan Toews is amazing. Patrick Kane sucks, but just about everyone else on this team is cool. Also, CHELSEA DAGGER. Joey the Junior Reporter is adorable. Emily loves this team.

Colorado Avalanche- Matt Duchene and Gabriel Landeskog are pretty awesome, and so was Joe Sakic.

Columbus Blue Jackets- I won't have much to say about this team when Rick Nash becomes a Leaf. Bonus points for fleecing the Flyers though.

Dallas Stars- Brenden Morrow is infinitely cooler than Brandon Morrow. (Emily refuses to agree)

Detroit Red Wings- This team is filled with ageless robot zombies. Datsyuk and Lidstrom are amazing to watch. We're supposed to hate them but I (Shelly) kind of like them. However, they did give us Brett Lebda. Emily would like you to know that she hates them.


Florida Panthers- Thanks for taking McCabe away from us, no thanks for giving us Mike Van Ryn. Verdict: meh. The trap is boring.

LA Kings- We love Drew Doughty and Anze Kopitar, but trading the epicly awesome BabySchenn to the epicly evil Flyers was not cool

Minnesota Wild- Eww Heatley

Montreal Canadiens- evilness defined. Also they're short. Also, this:

Nashville Predators- Weber, Suter and Ellis? We approve.

New Jersey Devils- They put Clemmensen in net so they'd lose that shootout to the Islanders to make the Leafs miss the playoffs. That was the year Cam Janssen concussed Kabby. This team will never be forgiven, especially when the awesomeness of Brodeur retires.

New York Islanders- Tavares will be a Leaf one day. Moulson and Grabner get brownie points for being entertaining on twitter.

New York Rangers- Avery is a loser. And, uh, Richards is

Ottawa Senators- hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Philadelphia Flyers- You all suck. Yes, I'm looking at your stupid face, Max. Schenn is amazing and needs to get out of there.

Phoenix Coyotes- We don't know why you exist.

Pittsburgh Penguins- This team is awesome. Enough said.

San Jose Sharks- Are infinitely more awesome now that Heatley's gone. Playoff choking will never cease to amaze us.

St. Louis Blues- We don't really know you other than Steen and Coliacovo. I like them both, but there's a reason Cola's called Splodeybones. No thanks for Stempniak.

Tampa Bay Lightning- They got rid of Downie, which is good. Marty St. Louis is pretty amazing, and I like Lecavalier for nostalgic reasons. Emily loves Stamkos but I hate his guts. Overall they're pretty cool.

Toronto Maple Leafs- This team is the definition of super fantastic mind-blowingly awesome.

Vancouver Canucks- Their fans are annoying, their GM is annoying, their coach is annoying. The Sedins are creepy. Luongo will always suck. NO STANLEY CUPS, HA HA! Oh yeah, congrats on that Presidents' Trophy. I'm sure it was a dream come true.

Washington Capitals- ew. See above taunt about President's Trophy and creepy-looking players.

Winnipeg Jets- Are still the Atlanta Thrashers, no matter how much everyone wants to believe they're the '80s Oilers. Therefore, lol.

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